I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
