Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
