Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So here I am, sexting at work.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
