Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
