Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
