Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
