In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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