I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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