Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
