The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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