Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
