I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
