Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
