so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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