Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
