A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
