The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
