So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
