I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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