summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
