You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
