Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
