If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize