Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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