I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
