My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
