Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
