You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
