I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
