Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
