5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
