I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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