How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
