oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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