I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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