Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
