Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
