are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
