one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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