I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
