haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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