i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
