there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The feeling are messing with the penis
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
