He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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