I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Someone came in the potted fern
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
