At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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