I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize