I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
