Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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