just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
