I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
