Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
