Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
