If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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