i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
