it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
