Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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