Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
