Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my being single is dangerous.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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