I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
