i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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