Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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