i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize