They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
