Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
