I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
