I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
