We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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