Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
