We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
